Date: 22 Feb 2009 3:47 am Title: Chapter 1
aw... poor bella. she really hated forks in the beginning...
little did she know
Author's Response: LOL, well, I hated Weston, MA when I moved there when I was 9. Then I got used to it and found things like a community theater and orchestras and Boston 20 minutes away and loved it. Poor Bella indeed. Thanks!
Date: 05 Dec 2008 9:32 pm Title: Chapter 1
Okay, I can see your point about the story line. Your explination makes me feel better about the story.
I never saw that It was not completed, it must have slipped my mind or escaped my sight, but that too, also makes me feel better.
I also get where your coming from in the descriptions. I one was vent my feelings and decided to write a memour of my life (I never got past the first page, but the opening was brilliant.) I just found it. One of the sentances was "In real world thoughts, the wind doesn't whisper through the trees, the sun doesnt bathe the world in warmth. The wind simply blows, the sun simply shines, and the wheels on the bus go round and round."
So I know where your coming from. though I still think that even if you dont plan to add exciting descriptions or 'poignant reminiscent moments' as you so vividly put it, i would still like to see a thicker chunk of text.
In general, I hope to see more -- Ginger Marie
Author's Response: Oh, good. I'm glad that makes it more sensible. I don't like displeasing readers, though it is inevitable. LOL, your memoir-writing style is like me. I took a personal fiction-writing class where all we did was write short essays on our personal experiences. One of my favorite ones I did was a very boring story about having a conversation with a nice guy outside a concert I was about to play with my orchestra...and then it turned out to be the world-famous cellist Yo-Yo Ma. I have about 30 people who want me to write my personal stories into a memoir. Anyway, yes, I get what you say about the thicker chunk of text.
Date: 03 Dec 2008 11:29 pm Title: Chapter 1
I liked it. Its sweet and it goes into more detail about howmuch Bella loves her mother than the books usually do. I liked how you incorporated a few lines from the movie. It made me feel a teensy bit better about the movie, and the line about her favorite being lemon meringue corresponded well with the image i got from the movie of Bella being uncomfortable.
Overall, I think its an excellent piece. It has some god, subtle descriptions in it. One of my favorite authors managed to become that way because she has this perfect way of describing everything around her in just a few words that arenít overbearing. You have a slightly similar style, though I would like to see a little bit more detail in your next few stories.
My one scruple is that the text is thin. Add few solid chunks of text in there, maybe just a memory or a thought process or even a subtle description of the person or surroundings. Thicken up the broth a bit.
The ending line is a good phrase in itself, and A good ending, but it just seems somehow....out of place in this story.
Itís good: Thanks for writing it --- Ginger Marie :)
Author's Response: Let me address the scruple first. I understand that concern, but I am a pacing fanatic. When was the last time you, in the middle of wondering if pants made your butt look big, had a poignant reminiscent moment? She's shopping, she has other things on her mind, etc. The memories have to be very anecdotal and in pacing for it to flow well. At least this is how I saw it. On the other hand, I'm glad you liked it. I love the hints of Bella's role-reversal with Renee in the books, even in that first email where Renee can't remember where her pink shirt is. I loved the movie and the line about lemon meringue is inspired by my own experience with pie. I was born the day before Thanksgiving and over the years, my parents have gotten me pumpkin pie as my birthday cake many times. As a result, I do actually dislike pumpkin pie. I was never that fond of it in the first place. But I grinned and bore it because that's what everyone did to make an effort. My favorite uncle, for my birthday two years ago, brought me nothing but a lemon meringue pie for my birthday, I was incredibly happy with it. So when I saw Bella's slightly pained expression at the first diner scene, I first thought that she hates being the center of attention and then went "Ugh, and they think they know what's her favorite just like with my pumpkin pie!" Personally, I can go into a lot more detail. I have a story that I wrote for Star Wars that came out to 365,000 words. It was a fic describing the war crimes trial of Darth Vader and one of the scenes was describing the verdict-reading in exact detail from two polar opposite perspectives. When I decide not to do descriptions it's either for pacing or because of a specific characterization. This was a bit of both. The ending line is meant to be unsatisfactory because this is still an open-ended plotline. Thanks!
Date: 03 Dec 2008 11:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
Aw! A nice missing moment =) The name of the fic summarises the overall feeling of the piece too.
Author's Response: The title was inspired by Renee's childlike optimism and sometimes obliviousness. Glad you liked the missing moment.