Date: 24 Aug 2009 1:06 pm Title: A Sailor and a Queen
This story is captivating! I'm glad to see that you're still updating. I liked reading Aro and Piero's confrontation. I'm glad that Aro finally got to kill Piero; he's been wanting that for so long!
Author's Response: Aww. Don't you feel even the least bit sorry for Piero?
Date: 24 Aug 2009 1:00 pm Title: Disintermediation
I love the way your write the ladies. First, Lidia and Anna's girl-talk was very enjoyable to read. Second, Adelina torching Livius was spectacular!
Author's Response: Women are kickass. Vampire women are even more kickass. And to be paired with the rulers of the vampire world, they have got to be the epitome of kickass.
Date: 24 Aug 2009 12:57 pm Title: The Trigger
I really enjoyed the way Aro presented Anna to Marcus and Caius. Although, I imagine that Anna is far prettier than Helen of Troy.
Author's Response: Not really, considering my Helen of Troy is Lidia...and more beautiful than her is a scary thought.
Date: 24 Aug 2009 9:03 am Title: A Sailor and a Queen
Uff, I have just read the whole story for the first time. I admit I was afraid of this story and of how my dislike for Aro would stand up to your story.
You managed to create a total illusion and I am really caught up in the story now. This story will definitely be added to my favorites.
I am no historian, but your references to historic people and events are just surprising and I rather like them. I will not ruin the fun for myself with doing research and pointing out errors or the like.
This is a truly beautiful story! Please keep on writing!
Author's Response: Hee! I'm glad to hear you're enjoying my Aro. XD Don't worry. Last chapter is already being written.
Date: 26 Mar 2009 12:02 pm Title: Disintermediation
Uff... I just finished the whole story... read it in the course of a couple of days. Sorry I didn't respnd to every single chapter... but you'll get a longer comment now. :)
First, I like a lot that it is a long story. You're not afraid of the work an "epos" like this brings with it and that's great!
Also I think you're doing a really good job! I like all the little details you weave into the story to hint at the times certain events take place! They work well.
Not everything might be 100% historically accurate, but it does not matter at all. One gets a really good picture of the times.
I love the detailed background stories you made up for each of the Volturi... I especially like Anna's story.
The only chapter I want to mention seperately is the first one, "AB Type Loves". It's outstanding... That's exactely what I think Aro's mind looks like. A bit crazy, creative, confident and a little out of it... ;)
I'm curious how things will develop into the 21st century situation we all know from SM's novels and hope you'll keep working on this very special fanfic... I enjoy it a lot!
Date: 06 Mar 2009 3:53 am Title: Beginning
although your writing itself is pretty good, I have to say this story (chapter 2, at least) is buzzing with inconsistencies. Too much, in fact, to be possibly overlooked, even if I really try to, and am suspending my common sense and knowledge as best as I possibly can.
Firstly, Aro tells us he has ‘few memories’ of his human life, yet he can produce descriptions and dialogues perfectly.
Secondly (although this is just a minor mishap), he says he’s born in the year 1000 B.C. why didn’t he use his own culture’s calendar? They probably didn’t have one, so Aro couldn’t have known in what year he was born. Of course, when the Christian calendar era was commonly used, Aro could have counted back (vampire memory) how long ago he was born. E.g. “They say it’s the year 689 A.C. now. How funny, I believe I was born 1689 years ago. So I was born exactly one thousand years before Christ!” (as a matter of speaking, Jesus Christ could have been born quite a few years B.C. in this calender).
Thirdly, what was his culture and in what kind of society did he live, anyway? You tell us he was born in Northern Italy, three thousand years ago. The Roman empire wouldn’t rise for another 500 years, and I highly doubt there was, at that time, any city in Western Europe so civilized as you describe. I even think Pavia didn’t exist yet at that time, and if it did, it most certainly wouldn’t be called ‘Ticinum’, as latin did not exist yet at that time.
This brings me to my fourth point of criticism. As latin certainly didn’t exist 1000 BC, the latin ‘quotes’ you use are. More importantly, “Qui tacet consentire” is classic Latin and means “Who is silent, consents”, so your translation isn’t completely true.
I am no historian of any sorts, just a 17-year-old girl who has enjoyed only two years of education in the Latin language. If I can find this much without even needing to use other resources, I fear for what someone with actual knowledge on the subject would find of your story. You should have done a lot more research before writing this.
Back to the Stephenie Meyer Canon. After becoming a vampire and killing Chiara, Aro seems to know instantly what he is and what he has done. He even uses the term “feeding”. I cannot possibly understand how he managed to grasp that in a single day. The only explanation I can think of, is that he was already very well educated on vampire culture.
You must think I really hate you and this story after racking up so much criticism, but that isn’t true. In fact, if I had hated this story (as I can’t hate you as I don’t know you one bit) I wouldn’t have spend thirty minutes writing this review. I would just have stopped reading it. I do like your concept, and I hope the third chapter doesn’t contain as many mistakes as this one did. I really don’t have the time to spend another thirty minutes writing another review.
Author's Response: 1) He has few, but the few he has are clear. He, in his eternal quest for knowledge, strives to preserve as much of his own history--as it's *his* history--as he can. And he has succeeded to certain point. 2) While he may not have been raised with a Gregorian calendar, his audience is. He's speaking to a select group and so uses certain phrases and descriptions which we will understand. 3) There *was* such a civilization. The Etruscan Empire. Preceded the Romans and, while little is known about them, they had an established culture, writing, religion and traditions. He was raised among them, the predecessors to the Romans. And, once again, taking liberty with names due to several constraints. 4) Due to the lack of knowledge surrounding the Etruscans and their language, I've taken liberty with the use of Latin. Consider it the forerunner and so very familiar. If you've studied Latin, then you must appreciate the vast similarities between the Romance languages and their mother tongue, particularly Italian. 5) This story began before New Moon. While I've tried to incorporate the new canon, I'm still mostly working with the information known then. Actually, I thank you for your review. I first wrote this when I was seventeen; I'm nineteen now. If I ever finish, I would love to return and revamp it and reviews like this are just what I need to create a much more structured and believable story. Thank *you* for taking the time to review so thoroughly. Any further critiques are always welcome.
Date: 06 Mar 2009 2:42 am Title: AB Type, Loves
I just read the first chapter and it made me very curious about the next chapters.
It's very interesting to see how his thoughts just wander from one subject to another and back again.
Date: 18 Feb 2009 6:41 am Title: Ante Bellum Part 3
“Oh, you are a devil, not a god.” Anna snickered seductively. Yes, it is possible to snicker so. Remind me to introduce you to Anna later.
“I wouldn’t lend him my toys when we were children.” HAH
Okay, each Volturi wife just scares me even more. Jeez.